My name is Lavinia Burnea, and I was born and raised in a family of evangelical Christians. As the years went by, you probably know how things go—Sunday school, sermons that don’t seem to change you, adolescence with its existential crises, trying to fit into the wrong crowds, problems at home, crying on the cold bathroom tiles… The same old story. I think I never really knew how to escape the old me.

Looking back now at all the time I’ve wasted, I realize that the Gospel was never presented clearly enough to me, nor was the process of salvation explained. If you had asked me back then how many times I had said the “sinner’s prayer,” I probably wouldn’t have been able to count them.

I grew older, entered high school, and that remained all I knew—the “sinner’s prayer.” That, and the endless cycle of depression and anxiety that haunted my life so deeply that I wanted to end it. All I knew was vanity; lust, anger, and pride were the best clothes I wore at any time. And if the repetitive prayers where I asked Christ to enter my heart seemed to make no difference, why should I keep living? Why should I keep going when all I feel is suffering and fear?

Why not end it all right there if nothing I do is good enough? If I don’t feel loved?

In May 2020, I felt loved.

I still remember almost perfectly the feeling of grass beneath my hands on a late spring evening. I remember how I felt like I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel that others spoke of. I remember the pain. A pain so deep that I fell to the ground and wept bitterly before the Lord, praying something like this: “Father, if You won’t take this cup from me, then please give me strength. Please help me. Please save me.”

I wiped my tears, went back inside, checked my phone, and there it was: Isaiah 41:10. On the notification bar, the verse said, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” The tears came back.

Some people can recall the exact moment they were born again. I only know the moment when I tell people that He changed my life.

I can’t fully describe the joy He brought me, the purpose and meaning I found, even after that moment when the enemy kept attacking me emotionally and spiritually. I can’t put into words how much change and growth God continues to bring into my life. But I know this: once, I was lost, but now I am free. Once, I was blind, but now I see.

I am so thankful that I can finally see.